Monday, July 28, 2008
I'M NOT MISSING YOU
I was walking down the streets yesterday afternoon, minding my own business, when I passed a Malay wedding at one of the HDB void decks. I looked at it, more like staring at it blankly then slowly breaking into a smile looking at how happy everybody were at the wedding. And then it shot me. I realised that that might not happen to me. (Turning 23 very soon and never really been in love, I gave up. Besides, I've always wanted to be a young mother!) I gave out a loud sigh and continued walking to my destination. You know, I don't want to marry someone out of pity, I don't want to marry someone just because he's 'better-than-nothing', I don't want to marry someone just because he already knows my family members, I don't want to marry someone just because I wanted babies, I don't want to marry someone just because my mom likes him, I don't want to marry someone just because we share the same interests, I don't want to marry someone just because he's super rich, etc. (although that last one is quite a catch. Haha. But no.)
I wanted to marry someone who I love. Someone who loves me as much as I love him. Someone who I have no doubt spending the rest of my life with. And the decision we made about being and living together is not because we can't live without one another but because life's just better when we're together.
Okay enough of this whole love crap. Let's see what happened today.
Mr. Undercover's colleague came by to get something from my office. Which means he could be around the office but he didn't come see me. I was feeling a bit 'ugh' for a second. Mr. Undercover hasn't even seen me with my new $150 hairdo! But then I realised it is so not worth my time. So yeah, that 'ugh' feeling lasted for a good 10 minutes.
I’m not missing you
Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don’t know what I was missing or why I ain’t listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again cause of my curiousity
Now that it’s over, what else could it be, he decides to cheat.
I made a promise never to settle
Why didn’t I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around
But I’m not missing you
I’m not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I’m not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I got life to do
I know I’m usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go
But this time it’s different I don’t even feel the distance
I’m not missing, I’m not missing you
It’s a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face oh
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again when I know what the end will be?
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?
I made a promise never to settle
Why didn’t I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around
No I can’t be with you
Cause I'm scared felt like I was falling when you left me
I can’t keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good when it’s right
Bad when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone else's life
.....................
Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don’t know what I was missing or why I ain’t listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again cause of my curiousity
Now that it’s over, what else could it be, he decides to cheat.
I made a promise never to settle
Why didn’t I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around
But I’m not missing you
I’m not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I’m not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because I got life to do
I know I’m usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go
But this time it’s different I don’t even feel the distance
I’m not missing, I’m not missing you
It’s a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face oh
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again when I know what the end will be?
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?
I made a promise never to settle
Why didn’t I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around
No I can’t be with you
Cause I'm scared felt like I was falling when you left me
I can’t keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good when it’s right
Bad when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone else's life
.....................
The 'fighter' text messaged me this morning. I thought it was, cute?
"Morning sweetness..weekends are gone and a new week begins..chase the darn monday blues away and do take care cause I care."
Oh oh we might be going for a movie next week! The usual gang. Make it happen guys. It's been too long. So there's gonna be Ariff, Sakina, Ina, Achap, me and hopefully Khalid.
Me: Afternoon darling! Free next week? We're planning on watching a movie together.
Achap: Yes sayang. I would make myself free.
Me: Hee. Okie. See you and the rest soon!
Achap: Can't wait darling.
I sure can't wait to meet them. Too long. Too long.
love,
nadia.
sin-fullybeautiful.
